Aimee.

I just came online to check out people's posts..

and I now have 4 friends? (I had something like 200 last time!) it has told me that my email has not been verified (which it has been!).... anyone know what I should do?

As of... now, really, my internet life is on hiatus. I'm spending wayyyyy too much time online. And we're getting decent weather! I can't let it go to waste. There is a difference between online and offline and I think I need to sharpen the line.

BRB, HOMIES.

Hey. Meet my new phone.

This is the most awesome thing because now I can email on the go. I got it as an end of exam present - well I haven't got it yet but it's on the way - so I'm really exicted. I wasn't really expecting it to be honest!
So the exams are over. They were important but I've lived up to my reputation and underperformed terribly. I'll find out the extent of the damage in 60 days time.... tick tock.
In other, scary fangirl news, OMJ OMJ OMJ.... Jonas Brothers Album box comes on Monday... hopefully round the same time as my new phone, then I can parade around town in my JB t-shirt with my JB bag chattering away on my new phone with the JB phone charm.
I need to get out more.

I was surfing around on Perez Hilton when I found this article. I watched the video (which is below; I know Perez is not exactly family friendly) and I was pretty shocked.

Isn't it interesting that people call them out? Just because they are Christians and wear purity rings? I'm honestly surprised not surprised. I wish people would just leave them alone. "America Loves Hypocrisy" - it might be true, I cannot speak for the entire demographic - but their father is a minister. They have made concious life decisions to stay pure and live a Christian lifestyle... but of course then, it must be a media ploy.
"It doesn’t matter if the world is pulling you down. With Christ you have everything." - Nick Jonas

I just ordered the Jonas Brother's new album off HMV.

And I didn't just get the album, I got the super-special-limited-edition-only-2000-copies-made version. I am a fangirl.

I have a feeling this summer is going to be a good one, because I think I'm starting to grow up. I'm accepting myself as a person and for the first time I actually feel comfortable in my own skin, and I've never felt like that before.

Roll on Summer '08 :)

a disease.

Please stop it, just for five minutes?

I will be the first to admit these past few weeks have been pretty hard. In the space of a week, a lot of things happened that maybe would have been easier to get over had they not happened in quick succession. On the Sunday, I found out that boys really cannot be trusted, I was sick on the Monday, my Grandmother died on the Tuesday, I didn't sit a GCSE Exam on the Wednesday, we had a wedding and a funeral in our family on the Thursday, and my grandmother's funeral was on the Friday. To say it all came as a bit of a shock is an understatement.

Only this week have I really let these things sink in (specifically the death of my grandmother) as I'm still going through my exams and I employed that great subconscious trick of blocking everything out. Now I only have two exams left and I can breathe a little and it's starting to hit home. And it really does hurt. I feel very tired by everything and I want minimal contact with the 'real world'. It's great to think that I can feel all this, because I was talking to my mother and she admitted she thought it would never hit, and that I was noticeably 'like a zombie'. I didn't want any of these things to happen but they did, and accepting them is the first part in, perhaps not forgetting, but getting over them.

This whole new world of feeling also has me evaluating myself as a person. Who am I? Am I where I want to be, doing the things I want to do? Am I approaching life realistically? To ask yourself these questions is the process of defining who we really are. We will only ever scratch the surface of the answer but it's better than letting others make our choices. I've separated my life into sections - friends, family, school, hobbies, and future. There are plenty of other categories but these are enough to think about for the time being. It's all just a case of questioning my identity. It's self control - if my life is perhaps not going the way I want, then it's up to me to change it. "Be the change you want to see in the world."

My one big dream is to be an author. The chances are minute, smaller than minute, but it's what I've always wanted to do (really and truly). I know I can work hard for the next twenty years, build something up and fall flat on my face, but I'm prepared for that to happen because I'll know I'll be pursuing my dream. And I think that we all should, regardless of our opinion of ourselves.

If you want to be a model but think you're too ugly, or fat? These are adjectives. They are words. They mean the world but they don't mean a thing. You are truly beautiful and don't let anyone stand in your way. You might think you don't have the pout of Lily Cole, the body of Agyness Deyn - but you probably do, and plenty of other characteristics that make you YOU.

I could stress this point until I'm blue in the face and have tears in my eyes - EVERYONE, YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL. You have qualities that define you as a person, things no one else has. Don't ever tell yourself someone else is doing it better. They're probably stuck up about it. It is YOU who makes it fresh. You can give it your own sweet twist and make something completely unique. You might not have the latest camera, the coolest make up, the straightest, craziest hair, you might not have the latest edition of Photoshop - but do you want it? You are raw, you are YOU. Why let something erase part of who you are? Why blank something out because you don't think it would suit 'the perfect criteria'? Do you think Marilyn Monroe didn't have spots? Are you under the impression Angelina Jolie doesn't have bad days? Frosted Glass.

I appeal now, to each and every person who reads this, no matter what your mood (and if you're still reading at this point, I offer my congratulations, this has been a journal and a half!) to smile. Yeah, that thing you do with your mouth. Smile. Breathe in. You're alive and no one in the world says you cannot make a change. You might not think you're good enough and by God some people will tell you that's the truth. YOU go out, YOU prove to them that YOU have the ability to do whatever the hell you like. We need to start living. Before it's too late.

So, it fell apart. I guess you seen something you didn't like. Though I have this sneaking suspicion you heard something you didn't like. And acting like the mature person I thought you were, you decided to believe it and not talk to me again. Ignoring that I had never spoken to your source... and you knew that the claims were untrue. Whatever.

Yes, my response to this whole situation with you is 'whatever'. Anyone who looks a few journals back can see how upset I was at the time. But now? Over it.

I really, really liked you. I honestly thought, this time, someone likes me for me. No-one got in our way. It was you and me. And then someone else (who, you guessed it, is popular, thin, pretty...) told you something, from what I hear anyway - and you decided the best way to deal with it would be to avoid me completely. Don't ask if it was true, don't give me a chance to say anything about it. And that's what upset me most. That we had come this far, and gotten to know each other so well, for you to let it fall apart over a silly rumour.

It doesn't hurt anymore. I don't know if it even hurt that much to begin with. I didn't cry over it - I'm too used to this happening by now to let it upset me. I'm more annoyed about your behaviour. You ruined the person I thought you were and you made me lose hope.

I hope you're happy, whatever you're doing, and I mean that. No hard feelings, right? I just thought at least we could salvage some sort of friendship for this. But clean cuts are the best.

It's over.

I had a lovely little day today. It was my best friend's sister's birthday and I got to come along. We went bowling - and I swear I would have won - which is something I haven't been able to do in ages! It was so much fun. After we went to an Italian restaurant called Speranza in the city centre. I'd never heard of it but it was somewhere I shall definitely be going back to! I got lasagna and it was the best I have ever tasted - and I eat a lot of lasagna.

I have so much planned for over Summer; I can't wait. I was meant to be going to Donington for the MotoGP at the end of the month but now I'm not and I'm properly gutted :( I was really looking forward to it. But with any luck I will get going to Scotland during the break, and I might be going to London in August for a shopping trip with my mum :) and we have so many day trips planned. Last Summer I hardly went out at all, and I'm determined to make this the 'big one' where we have bbqs and late nights, sleepovers and dances. I can't wait!

On a side note there has beena bit of fuss kicked up about certain photos of Hanna Beth. I don't like bringing it up again, but really - what is the big deal? People take photos. They might not be to your taste or liking but is it really worth bringing it up YEARS later? I'm sure there are a lot worse photos out there so I don't see why this is such a thing for some people. And I'm sure Hanna Beth doesn't want to have to wade through all the shit she's being left. I'm sure she knows the photos exist - end of.

Y'all gotta start loving each other. It's Summer for christ's sake! BIG SMILES :D

People never fail to disappoint and annoy. Particularly males. Have you ever found that?

Happiness only comes to those with thin bodies, great hair, and the latest version of PhotoShop. I'd love this to be untrue but I haven't seen it ever happening otherwise. Apparently you now need one of these things to be successful. You can work as hard as you want but it will count for shit at the end of the day. We're all about image in the extreme. You can't be 'normal'.You're either fat or skinny. Nice hair or bad hair. It annoys me to the verge of tears.

Why can't we just live our lives the way WE want to? Because we never have the choice. Everything is being dictated for us. Our clothing choices. Our hair, the food we eat, the drinks we drink; brainwashed. We do not have 'freedom of thought'. We do not have 'freedom of speech'.

And, really, it's about time we did.

  Ah.. I Was A Cub Scout are splitting up! I loved them, and I never got to see them live either. They posted this bulletin on MySpace :   "Hello friends,
Here it goes
Tonight we have decided that I was a cub scout has and must now come to a close. We have had countless problems over the past year or so and with yet more occuring, we feel it best to end on what would seem like a decent note.
We will be honouring all of our uk shows of which we have confirmed. with the I tunes festival at koko with death cab for cutie on july 14th being our last.
We will speak more of it all soon, but for now we must tour.
It is a very sad day for us
Thankyou
todd x"   *SAD FACE*   I leave you with some Pink Squares...

Happy Birthday :D

Hope you have a great one... don't eat too much cake.

I was meant to revise Chemistry but ended up watching Blade: Trinity instead.

I hope revision, and the actual exams, are going a lot better for everyone else! They're nearly over :)

I stole this from my friend's MySpace because I'm a dirty rotten stealer like that.

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RULES:

 1. Put your music player on shuffle.

2. Press forward for each question.

3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. NO CHEATING!

4. Bold the questions and with the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.

How are you feeling today?

Hit Or Miss - New Found Glory 

Yeah, that sums it up pretty well!

Will you get far in life?

Unbound (The Wild Ride) -Avenged Sevenfold

Well I don't know if I'll get far but at least it'll be interesting! 

How do your friends see you?

Bruised - Jack's Mannequin

Oh. Oh dear. They say me as bruised? Is this literally or metaphorically? 

Will you get married?

Situations - Escape The Fate

'She can't behave, and I'm just a slave, don't worry I'll be gone when the morning comes.' Oh, goody.

What is your best friend's theme song?

Miracle - Paramore

Awk... she's a determined little thing :D

What is the story of your life?

The English Way - Blondelle

Oh, are we suggesting a move? I was all for France myself.

What was high school like?

Gonna Raise Hell - Cheap Trick

ZOMG LOVE THIS SONG. Also, no comment. 

How can you get ahead in life?

Heist - Ben Folds

Oh great... a hold up? Why is my life becoming a movie?

What is the best thing about your friends?

Accidentally In Love - Counting Crows

The way I see it is that we all have little crushes from time to time but this song is so upbeat - so we always have a laugh about it maybe?

What is in store for this weekend?

1979 - Smashing Pumpkins

I'll dress like I'm living 31 years ago?

Song to describe your grandparents?

Afterlife - Avenged Sevenfold

This could be potentially funny had my grandmother not passed away two weeks ago. Interesting. 

How is your life going?

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger - Daft Punk

I'd say quite well. 

What song will they play at your funeral?

Dark Blue - Jack's Mannequin

Oh, that would be such a cute song to have! 'Dark blue, dark blue, have you ever been alone in a crowded room? Well I'm here with you'

How does the world see you?

Two Cars - Death Cab For Cutie

Split personality disorder?

Will you have a happy life?

I Couldn't Kill Albus Dumbledore - Draco and the Malfoys

I'd say yes, I won't kill the greatest wizard ever bar Voldemort. So I can live as a free person.

What do your friends really think of you?

I Wish You Were Here - Incubus

Awwww. I love you guys too.

Do people secretly lust after you?

Bad Reputation - Joan Jett

Yes, but apparently in all the wrong circles.

How can I make myself happy?

Robot Rock - Daft Punk

Make loud music with cyborgs?

What should you do with your life?

Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead

Open a shop selling evergreens? 

Will you ever have children?

This Charming Man - The Smiths

Awk, at least the father will be half decent.

I make revision notes to revise, and I never get the topic or notes finished and hence have to speed learn on the way to class. I have my History GCSE tomorrow and I just finished learning the COMPLETED revision notes.

Wow. I've never have that happen before.

I have French on Wednesday and Chemistry (YUCK) on Thursday and then 6 days respite :)

How tiring are exams, really? I've been getting way more sleep than I usually do but for some reason I'm ten times more tired. I really can't wait to Summer :P

 
Find the courage. Life is better with some love in it.

I needed to get this out there. It's a mere rambling at best. It's quite morbid and depressing but try not to let it affect you, though I doubt it will. Just in case.

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Mortality is upon us and we have no choice – it is not our fate to live. If we were to live (as in, eternally) then graveyards, cemeteries – they would not exist. We would have nowhere to go when our time came because the time would never come. We would over-populate the planet and disease would be rife. It would be better for us to die in the sense that our deaths, in the most implicit, tiniest way, are saving lives.

Though if we are condemned to die, surely we will overpopulate then? There surely cannot be enough room for everyone to be buried. It will become compulsory for cremation and graves will become simple tourist attractions, reminders of times gone past. They will view them as we view the wireless, the Third Reich, the workhouse. What will we do?

My grandmother died almost a fortnight ago and I still haven't let myself sit down and think about it. I have not given it time to 'hit' me. I know she has gone; I have been to visit my grandfather and her absence speaks volumes. But it is as though she is simply asleep upstairs. I have become accustomed to not seeing her as she was so frail in her last months. I have been to the grave four times. The flowers are still alive, as if putting up a stand to scream with life and burst with colour in the cemetery. As if they could grow to the very heavens simply to smite whoever said they could not live forever. But of course this would not happen. Because everyone and everything dies. Nothing lives forever.

We have our memories and dreams that may last us a lifetime or a minute but they will never last long. Compared to the lifespan of the Earth we carry our memories for the blink of an eye and then they are gone. Nothing will bring them back, just as nothing will bring us back.

At any one time in the world a country is in turmoil. Wars. Famine. Disease and crisis. But right now, I wouldn't change the world we have now. Don't you agree? We have a sun, we have jobs, we are living in our dizziest daydreams. Technology is so advanced we don't need to think twice and we take it for granted. I can only assume we will reach a point where robots are the new iPods. They will be the status quo. We will reject them at first, not used to the intrusion, the newness of the idea. But we will gradually accept them as we have everything else; Gordon Brown as PM, the war in Iraq, the death of Fred in Deathly Hallows. And if we don't like it we will surely go from screaming temper tantrums to mere whimpers and grudging acceptance. The same way we should look at death. We don't like it, no-one does, but we accept it. We know it's going to happen.

I don't know why but my grandmother's aforementioned passing does not have me thinking of her and how much I will miss her. It has me thinking of death – not necessarily my own solely, but the general idea. It does not scare me half as much as it did. And I never realised how much it scared me.

Today I decided I'm going to STOP walking around under this cloud of despair that I've greeted like a friend every morning - I've had enough. This is MY life, I'm only going to get one, and I don't have time to be depressed every waking minute.

I have heard some great uplifting music lately; nothing is stopping me starting my own band and getting my stuff out there.

I don't like what I see in the mirror; nothing is stopping me losing a bit of weight, nothing is stopping me embracing myself the way I am.

I don't get good enough grades; nothing is stopping me revising that extra bit.

I don't have someone to love; NOTHING is stopping me from finding them.

 

All these obstacles that are stopping us from doing what we want are just obstacles, they don't exist. We're testing the water when we should be jumping straight in.

As from now, I'm starting to live. Who's in?

I'm not usually what one would call fashion concious but I am dreadfully in love with the new Spring/Summer campaign by Burberry.

 (Behind the scenes video - music is Pest Control by Blondelle)

I sing.